Love Competency Gap Test | What Do You Lack Most in Your Intimate Relationship?

I. Theoretical Basis: Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy

The framework of this test is based mainly on two well-known psychological theories:Attachment TheoryandEmotionally Focused Therapy (EFT).

Attachment theorywas proposed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, originally to explain the patterns of emotional bonding between infants and caregivers. Later research found that similar attachment styles - secure, anxious, and avoidant - also exist in adults' intimate relationships. These styles deeply shape our sense of security in love, our trust in our partners, and the way we handle conflict.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)was developed by Sue Johnson and Leslie Greenberg, and holds that emotion is the key to change in intimate relationships. EFT holds that negative interaction patterns between partners (such as the 'pursue-withdraw' cycle) often stem from unmet attachment needs. By identifying and adjusting these patterns, partners can rebuild a secure emotional bond.

Combining the theories above, this test focuses on the four core competency dimensions of romantic relationships:emotional awareness and expression, building security, conflict resolution and repair, independence and sense of boundaries. A deficit in any of them can become a 'weak link' in your love lessons.

II. What Is a Competency Gap in Love Lessons?

'Love lessons' are not just about how to attract or maintain a relationship. They point to your inner abilities in an intimate relationship tohandle emotions, build trust, resolve conflicts, and stay true to yourself. When one of these abilities is relatively weak, you tend to run into similar struggles again and again - for example, always feeling insecure, finding it hard to express your true feelings, or not knowing how to repair things after a conflict.

Discovering your weaknesses is not about denying yourself, but aboutgrowing with a clearer direction. Just as building fitness requires knowing your weaker muscle groups, improving your relationship skills also requires precise self-knowledge.

III. The Four Competency Dimensions Assessed by This Test

This test contains 20 questions designed around the following four dimensions to help you locate the areas where you most need to grow:

• Emotional Awareness and Expression: Can you recognize your emotions and express them appropriately to your partner? Can you keep emotions from being either suppressed or explosive?
• Building Security: Do you easily worry about being abandoned in the relationship? Do you rely too much on your partner's responses to confirm your worth?
• Conflict Resolution and Repair: When conflict arises, do you tend to blame or avoid, or can you communicate calmly and take the initiative to repair the relationship?
• Independence and Sense of Boundaries: Can you stay yourself in an intimate relationship? Can you respect your partner's boundaries while guarding your own space?

IV. Purpose of the Test and Who It Is For

This test is suitable for:

• People going through relationship struggles who want to find the root cause
• People who keep circling through the same conflicts and want to break their 'love script'
• People about to start a relationship who want to understand the challenges they may face in advance
• People interested in psychology and growth in intimate relationships

The results will identify your core weakness type (four main types in total) and provide targeted, research-based growth suggestions. Remember: there are no perfect partners, only people willing to grow.

V. How Scoring Works

Each question is scored 1-5, from 'completely untrue' to 'very true'. Based on your scores across the four dimensions, the system identifies the lowest-scoring dimension - your most prominent competency gap. We also analyze your overall pattern and give you a combined type name and a growth path.